the wonderfully sarcastic katie's tumblelog.

"Give random deductions to people like, “I am 99.9 percent sure you are incompetent in the art..."

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:23:39 -0400

“Give random deductions to people like, “I am 99.9 percent sure you are incompetent in the art of incompetency.””

- ???

"If I had a book store, I’d make the mystery section really hard to find. ‘Excuse me, do..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:51:31 -0400

“If I had a book store, I’d make the mystery section really hard to find. ‘Excuse me, do you have any mystery novels?’ ‘That’s a damn good question.’”

- ???

"Sort of is such a harmless thing to say… It’s just a filler. It doesn’t really..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:50:48 -0400

“Sort of is such a harmless thing to say… It’s just a filler. It doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after, ‘I love you.’ Or ‘You’re going to live’.”

- ???

"My favorite fruit is grapes because with grapes, you always get another chance. If you get a crappy..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:49:55 -0400

“My favorite fruit is grapes because with grapes, you always get another chance. If you get a crappy apple or peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you get a crappy grape, you just move onto the next one. Grapes-the fruit of hope.”

- ???

"I like fruit baskets, because a fruit basket enables you to send fruit to someone without appearing..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:49:32 -0400

“I like fruit baskets, because a fruit basket enables you to send fruit to someone without appearing insane. If you just mail somebody some apples, they’re like, ‘What the hell is this?’ But if you put those apples in a basket, they’re like ‘This is nice.’”

- ???

"A drunk driver is very dangerous. But so is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive…..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:49:04 -0400

“A drunk driver is very dangerous. But so is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive… ‘Dude make a left.’ ‘Those are trees…’ ‘Trust me.’”

- ???

"He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:48:19 -0400

“He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged.”

- ???

"Squirrels…Nature’s little speed bumps."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:47:15 -0400

“Squirrels…Nature’s little speed bumps.”

- ???

"Evening news starts by them telling you “Good evening,” then proceeding to tell you why..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:46:33 -0400

“Evening news starts by them telling you “Good evening,” then proceeding to tell you why its not.”

- ???

"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:39:08 -0400

“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.”

- ???

"I’d kill for a body like yours except I don’t have any more room to store it."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:38:34 -0400

“I’d kill for a body like yours except I don’t have any more room to store it.”

- ???

"I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:38:00 -0400

“I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”

- ???

"I have ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:36:55 -0400

“I have ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.”

- ???

"In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:27:12 -0400

“In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar o f Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how?…)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought?…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and.. .I’m taking this because?…)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.” (…was there a lot of this happening somewhere)
On a hair straightener: “Do not use in water.” (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I’m taking a bath.)”

- random

"Remember to be you…unless you suck."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 20:29:16 -0400

“Remember to be you…unless you suck.”

- Joss Whedon

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t."

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:52:08 -0400

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”

- Erica Jong

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:40:57 -0400

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.”

- Redd Fox

(heheheh)

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work"

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:32:29 -0400

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work”

- Thomas A. Edison

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:51:58 -0400

“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”

- Albert Einstein

"If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done."

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:26:26 -0400

“If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.”

- Ludwig Wittgenstein